|Played By||Jamie Lynn Spears|
|Full Name||Thelma Stump|
|Sketch(es)||Thelma Stump: Oldest Bodyguard in the Business|
Thelma Stump was the cast's bodyguard. When cast members or guest stars would try and get into the greenroom she would demand to see their pass, which they usually did not have. She could usually be seen sitting in a rocking chair, knitting and singing Aint no Sunshine When She's Gone. She was also obsessed with bacon and almost always asked people if they had any on them.
- "Cause bacon's Goood"
- "Name's Thelma Stump: the Oldest Bodyguard in the Business"