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A sketch starring Lori Beth Denberg as Mrs. Hushbaum, a strict but hypocritical librarian who is the one who is very loud in the library. She commonly honked her air horn and blew her whistle while students studied. She always engaged in noisy activities but when someone else in the library makes even the tiniest sound, including asking her to stop what she was doing, she would scream things like, "QUIET! THIS IS A LIBRARY! CAN'T YOU READ?! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO STUDY! HOW CAN YOU BE SO RUDE?! HUSH! IF YOU CAN'T BE SILENT, THEN I WILL BE VIOLENT!" A trademark of the sketch was her air horn, her whistle, and the signs she had placed around the library that read, "Quiet", "No Talking", "Stifle", "Hush", "Silence", and "Shhh".

Noisy Activities the Librarian Engages In[]

  1. bowling,
  2. fighting a bull
  3. hosting a New Year's Eve party,
  4. herding sheep
  5. talking loudly on the phone,
  6. chomping on chips,
  7. bouncing on a pogo stick,
  8. using a jackhammer,
  9. working a "Test Your Strength" game,
  10. riding a motorcycle,
  11. making popcorn,
  12. feeding a parrot
  13. frying bacon,
  14. sharpening pencils,
  15. playing a pinball game,
  16. playing an organ,
  17. using a hair dryer,
  18. using a leaf blower,
  19. singing "America, the Beautiful" into a vacuum,
  20. practicing karate
  21. shaving,
  22. lifting weights,
  23. dancing to the Macarena
  24. engaging in a rock guitar battle.
  25. stamping books
  26. licking stamps
  27. playing the drums
  28. cracking her knuckles
  29. using a blender
  30. slurping a drink
  31. screaming at a TV
  32. blowing her whistle
  33. sounding her horn
  34. clipping her toenails
  35. getting a tattoo
  36. celebrating her birthday
  37. having band practice
  38. installing a bell (twice)
  39. chewing ice
  40. getting her tooth fixed
  41. bringing frankenstein to life
  42. blowing her nose
  43. sneeze
  44. having a toothache
  45. burps
  46. snooze
  47. goes trick or treating
  48. getting Easter eggs
  49. giving out a library card
  50. Making Jack o lanterns
  51. going for a walk
  52. takes a nap
  53. having a headache
  54. getting a haircut
  55. Cry
  56. Make an Appointment
  57. making an announcement
  58. making a speech
  59. Having AN ALLergy
  60. Cooking for Thanksgiving
  61. throwing things on the floor
  62. blowing bubbles
  63. taking care of a baby
  64. Saying April Fools
  65. getting Easter candy
  66. Take PICTURES
  67. Doing a crossword puzzle
  68. Sunbathing
  69. Earning Money
  70. Laugh
  71. HAVING an ANniVersary
  72. Sweeping the floor
  73. Doing ChOReS OUTSidE
  74. Snowboarding down the mountain
  75. having a birthday
  76. reading a newspaper
  77. Taking a day off
  78. Telling a Joke
  79. DoiNg SOmE MAGIC
  80. DIG UNdERgrOund
  81. getting presents from Santa Claus
  82. resting on the chair
  83. saying shabbat shalom
  84. smelling stuff
  85. Get gumballs from the machine
  86. getting Halloween candy
  87. Making ValenTiNe cards
  88. saying I have a dream
  89. Wearing GREEN ON ST PATRICK'S DAY
  90. MaKing A Movie
  91. Saying She's Thankful
  92. Meets the President of the United States
  93. putting on sunscreen
  94. sweeps the floor
  95. grow plants
  96. Watching Football
  97. Setting up for Valentine's day
  98. playing with the jack in the box
  99. FOLDING Papers
  100. LIGHTING CANDLES for Hanukah
  101. singing WITH The SILENCios
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